As you may or may not know, I was a child very good at the art of tantrum throwing. My emotions were strong and I didn’t know how to control myself much of the time.
Unfortunately, as the oldest child, I was “supposed to know better.” Even though I was still young, still learning, I was older than my brother and sister which meant I was supposed to be the example of maturity and perfection. But of course, I was in a constant battle with myself to be a calm, kind, flexible person. And, unfortunately, I made many mistakes. I had many blow-ups.
Even on my good days, even when I was trying my hardest, I still got in trouble for something. Sometimes it was just because I was not only the oldest child, but I was most certainly the loudest child. It could be a happy holler, passing information from one room to the next, and my parents would expect it to be a rampaging scream. So I got in trouble. It could be a situation where a sibling definitely deserved punishment more than me or at least as much as me, and only I got in trouble. I was the oldest. I was the loudest. I was usually the meanest. So punishing Cali was probably often the easiest temporary solution.
It got to the point that I felt I got in trouble whether I tried to be good or not. I never liked that I got mad, I just didn’t know what to do to fix it. And in the moment I was screaming because something “made” me mad, I for sure couldn’t think straight to find a solution and calm down.
Though my parents weren’t perfect as they raised me, they were definitely the two for the job. They helped me harness my emotions so I could go from having emotional weakness to emotional strength.
My parents probably used so many parenting techniques with me to help me calm down. But I have two memories that stand out to me as turning points in my journey of emotion, and this is one of them. It may seem odd, juvenile, maybe even ridiculous that it started to help, but it did.
I remember my mom brought home little posters one day. They each had a phrase and a silly cartoon picture on it. She didn’t put them on my bedroom wall, but she put them on the wall of the spare bedroom upstairs. Somewhere I could see them when I wanted to, but I didn’t have to stare at the posters in my own space.
The title of this little group of posters was, “Making Good Choices.”
Each picture had an idea of how to deal with a difficult situation, a situation I could easily freak out about. The ideas were simple, but doable. The ideas were visible and pickable. I could look at them when I was calm and could process them with my logical brain. I could remember them for when I started to feel anxious, when my emotional brain started to take over. I could convince myself before a fight started that when the situation arose I could use a different type of technique and make a better choice. I could run to the wall of good choices when I started to get mad and easily see what my options were.
I had choices. I had control.
I didn’t have to lose control of my emotions with no option or hope of gaining control back. I didn’t have to lose control of my emotions and let that spill out into my words and actions. I didn’t have to lose control.
I recently brought up these posters with my parents, years after we pulled them off the wall and have even moved a few times. They were surprised that the posters were one of the tools I remember helping me the most to really make a change. I didn’t even remember what most of them said, I just remembered them helping. I remembered that one of my favorite posters had a word that started with a “c”… cooperate… no… coordinate… no… compromise!
Compromise was one of my options in situations where I would typically yell and try to get my way. I liked compromise because it meant both me and the other person had to give in a little. It meant both me and the other person could get what we wanted a little. It meant I got to have a little control. That was nice for me.
During the recent conversation with my parents about these posters, my mom went and found them. She still had them and gave them to me. Looking at them brought back so many memories of struggles and journeys and triumphs. They reminded me that I learned not only how to make good choices even when my emotions started to feel tangled, but I learned how to let my emotions be a strength and a benefit to me and to my family.
I could probably talk for a decade about what my family did for me without realizing, what things helped me change and what didn’t, what impact emotions and behavior have on not only you but on everyone around you every day. But for today, a little talk on the posters is nice. The posters help me make good choices, and that’s a good thing to accomplish in a day.
I don’t know if you feel you have a temper or not, I don’t know if you feel you have uncontrollable children or not. But I know for me, someone who used to have an uncontrollable temper, it’s important to feel like I have control. At least that I have control of myself. The ideas on the posters helped me with that as a kid and the ideas on the posters are still relevant to me as an adult. Whoever you are, they can be relevant to you too. Maybe you don’t get angry, don’t have kids, don’t care to make good choices. Maybe you don’t care about the ideas on the posters. That’s fine, up to you. But you should at least check the poster pictures out. These days, who doesn’t love a good picture of animals in clothes with their favorite food on them?
Enjoy the rest of the funny, awesome, helpful posters. 🙂
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Happiness is a Choice 